Don't worry about a thing

            So Monday was our first small group for the 40 days in the word series. With my social anxiety I went it already feeling super anxious. I was eased when everyone was so warm and welcoming. Ironically the first verse we went over was Colossians 3:15, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.” The question came up of which word stood out the most and to me it was “Let.” I started thinking about the phrase “let go and let God” and I thought how completely terrible I am at that!

            I always feel like if I’m not in control of something then it will completely fall apart. Yes it completely drives Tim insane because he’s Mr. Positivity and always says everything’s gonna be fine don’t worry. I know I have so much evidence that it will be ok. Last year when I left for Oregon I was like nope cant go, I’ve got to work, I’ve got to make money. What happened? I left and the world didn’t fall apart. We didn’t get evicted and we didn’t end up on the streets.

            So the next day I was watching 90210 (I know I know a guilty pleasure!) and one of the girls was talking about being worried and down and certain song coming on and making everything alright. Now I’m a huge believer in musical therapy I have all sorts of playlists for different moods and Tim knows if im sad I like to lay on the floor and listen to my Tegan and Sara vinyl’s. As she was talking about this they turned on Bob Marley’s “Don’t worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright.”

            It never ceases to amaze me the way that God used music in my life to reach me. It seems like always at the right time the right song that I needed comes on. Whether its to cheer me up, or to really just allow me to feel my emotions (which I’m terrible at) and break down and cry for an hour until I feel better, and most of all to bring hope. Tim now says that, that Bob Marley song is my song. I now know that God is continually there even when I don’t think that he is. That he wants to comfort me if I let him.

            Now for those who suffer from anxiety the way that I do you know how it feels. The actual physical symptoms can be unbearable. I think a lot of times people do take anxiety in the sense of worrying about a certain thing or event, which a lot of times it is. There is also the physical that is not very fun at all. The heart racing, sweaty palm, heart palpitations sometimes don’t go away without medication and I personally don’t see anything wrong with this (a lot of people will and that’s ok). I don’t personally love being on medication but with the mental illnesses I have I feel like I have to pick my battles. My anxiety can and often times does lead me to restrict. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain on many different levels and medication helps to put them back in balance. If there are other ways to calm myself then I do. All of the years of treatment that I have had have taught me a lot of different techniques and they work with different degrees of anxiety. For me turning to God does in fact seem to be the most comforting.

            Now I don’t think that my anxiety is going to go away tomorrow (unless that’s what God wants to do with me) but it is a little helpful to know that I’m not alone. That I’m not crazy for going to the worst case scenario in a matter of seconds (ok maybe a little). I know that I have people in my life who understand and still love me. Now I have dealt with people not being so supportive and I have learned to distance myself from those people. Not because they are bad people, in most cases they are actually great people, they just don’t get it and that’s ok. I have so many people who do and people who don’t but try their very hardest. So please don’t get down on yourself. Your not crazy even though you may feel like you are 99% of the time. I have also realized that the people God has put in my life who do “get it” really are heaven sent and I couldn’t be more thankful for them!